Rule #1 - Don't get killed

The official last night of shooting on "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".. This is just stunts, there are no actors (they were 'picture wrapped' last night).

The night started off badly - we had a 5 pm call, which meant that we all got stuck in the horrible traffic on the way out to the Ikea in Puente Hills (our location, on and off, for the past few months. It will thankfully be torn down as soon as we're done with it).

The "best boy" (sort of the second in command) set the tone by -right at call time - announcing over the walkie talkie "Rule number one is this: Don't get killed by the helicopter". This set off the inevitable wave of John Landis/Twilight Zone jokes, but everyone was very, very nervous.

The first fuck up was that one of the 'condors' (these are lift platforms that go about 80 feet up in the air - there's a light in the basket and a guy up there with it to make any changes - it simulates moonlight) was in the flight path of the helicopter which, during the shot, will be swooping down, chasing our stunt doubles who are running for cover into the building.

To move the condor required that locations secure permission to move it into the parking lot of a business about 100 yards down the road from where it was initially set up - not an easy thing to do at 6:30 pm in a largely industrial area. When they finally got ahold of the guy who owned the building, he said "NO". Finally, they got permission to use another lot and got the condor, all it's cable and the generator that was powering it moved.

To move the generator, transportation sent a 'stake-bed', with some of our lights in it, over to the condor (which was about a quarter mile away from the Ikea). Needless to say, while the truck was over there dealing with trying to hitch up the generator, our boss decided that he just had to use one of the lights that was in the stakebed. They had to unhook the generator, put the condor move on hold, and send the truck back over to us so we could offload one light - we then sent the truck back over to finish the move.

The second fuck up involved one of the other condors (we had a total of six- only four of which were ever in the air at the same time) that was placed in the parking lot of the Best Buy next door. Each condor weighs about 16,000 lbs, and they have big tractor tires on them. The asphalt in the Best Buy parking lot started to crack under the weight of the condor - while the basket (with big light and guy) was in the air. Once that was down, and moved (to a spot that the D.P. didn't like as much, but had firmer asphalt), we started to shoot - until the main generator went down.

The entire production staff was getting very, very tense, as all the shots were outside at night - which means that they can only shoot until the sun comes up, and then they have to stop. Since the director is the slowest fucking person on the planet, this delay sent production into a tizzy.

As many bad things as I've said, typed and thought about this particular director, he did put the petal to the metal and make up for lost time. We ended up getting our last shot just as the sun came up.

After we did our hour or so of work to get everything ready, of course we got stuck in traffic. I slept in the back of my truck for two hours and then went home, where I passed out until I got the call to come in on Friday (Good Friday - it's a holiday so it means double time) and wrap the truck.

Sweet.

Call time: 5 pm.

Wrap time 6:15 am

We were out at 7:15 am

Machine Guns are Loud

I've never been afraid on a set before.

Tonight we shot the big gun battle between Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the commandos who are trying to kill them. ALL of the actors had machine guns, the store shelves were 'squibbed' (small explosive charges to make it look like a bullet's hit something) and the noise was deafening. Even from 30 feet away, I could feel the shockwaves coming off the guns as they were fired. I had ear plugs AND noise canceling headphones on, and the noise was still rattling my teeth.

I cannot imagine what it's like to be in combat, where those things aren't loaded with blanks, and in addition to the cacophony you have the chance of actually being killed. Fuck.

The one funny thing was that when the squibs were going off during the action sequence, there were little geysers of pork rinds and flavored popcorn flying into the air as the squibs set them off. It looked like a cartoon, and I was laughing so hard that I forgot to be afraid!

This director is amazingly slow. All night, he would do multiple takes of these HUGE shots that took hours to set up. Someone pointed out that we started shooting Mr. and Mrs. Smith last year, and then we had to stop because Brad had to go shoot Oceans 12. That movie was shot, came out in the theaters and has gone to DVD, and we're still shooting this movie.

I think they should call it "Mr. and Mrs. Smith go to Heaven's Gate".

Call time: 10 am

Wrap time: 3:30 am

It's going to be a long, long day.

I'm on my way into the never ending movie, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".

Originally, our call time for today was 7:30 am, at an old Ikea about an hour east of Los Angeles.

My boss called me at 8 pm last night to tell me that the call time had been changed to 10 am, because 'Brad Pitt doesn't want to get up that early".

Wow.. I wish I could do that.

For some reason, I can never sleep late.. So, even with my 10 am call (9:30 for breakfast), I'm still up at quarter to seven.

It's going to be a long, long day.

Bleah.

Still sick.

Still working.

The best boy razzed me all day about being sick at work, which apparently I've complained about to him before.

Someone kept stealing equipment out of our pile before we had a chance to count it, so the warehouse guys would have to go and get more stuff. .there are four shows loading at the same time, so who knows who it was.

Had a good time because the gaffer was there, and he's a ton of fun.

Not all the equipment got there on time, so we had to sit and wait - in the rain, as this rental house doesn't have indoor docks - for the rest of our stuff to get there.

Dammit, I hate it when I'm a hypocrite.

I always get pissed when folks go into work when they're sick, so I guess that makes me a big fucking hypocrite..

I'm still sick as a dog, but I got called to do two days loading a truck, which isn't heavy work, so I dosed up with cold medicine and went in.

What's shooting is pickups for a movie called "Goal" which shot mostly in England, and there's 10 days of stuff here.

This crew are the same folks who did "Memento" and "The Italian Job". I love these guys. They're maniacs, and I always have fun when I'm working for them. Unless I'm sick.

Then nothing is too much fun.

Very, Very Sick.

I have the flu from hell.

I feel like crap and I'm drinking this absolutely vile hippy shit given to me by The Sweater Queen (she has long flowing hair, long flowing sweaters, and dispenses all manner of curative hippy glop and goo) in the hopes of not getting knocked on my ass for two weeks.

At least I'm not working. I'd be pissed if I were missing work.

Dragged my sorry ass to the video store and rented a stack of DVDs since I'm anticipating being on the couch for a few days.

Speaking of the couch, it's calling my name, and my eyeballs feel kinda fuzzy.

Another Lazy Sunday

Woke up late - The Blonde and I went to the opening of some club - I can't remember the name. It's on Hollywood Blvd, just east of Highland, and it's all white inside. There's a raised "VIP" area with ugly white couches (I'm wondering what they're going to look like after a month of spilled drinks), and I think it used to be a crack house, but I'm not sure.. The gift bags sucked, too.. An issue of "Jane" and a compilation CD featuring the music of people I've never heard of.

Anyhow.. one of the girls from "The OC" (I don't know which one - I don't watch the show) was there, and she looked really, really bad..

Of course, I sicced The Blonde on her, trying to get her to do a cameo for us. It didn't work. Damn.

So, I woke up late today. Went to the Farmer's Market and then to the gym.

I don't think we're going to be able to shoot tomorrow.. the camera guy hasn't called me back, and The Drama Queen's in flake mode again.. Crap.. I REALLY need to get this thing finished.

I'm starting to stress.

Three day weekend.. Sort of.

Yesterday (Friday) was my last day on the Paramount lot.. I'm back into freelance world - and I'm on a music video tonight (well, actually it's a 2 am call, so I can still go out, I just have to not show up drunk. Scraping the makeup off my face before work would be a good thing as well).

Got to Paramount at 7:30 am, after having been given the wrong call by the scheduling people - I was supposed to be in at 7 am. Fuck. I hate being late - at least the boss wasn't mad..

Worked for six hours tearing out a rig from a commercial that shot Thursday night on New York Street, and then went home. Yay! I love working for less than 8 hours..

I went to the gym (I need to go more often.. I'm getting doughy!), swam, did laundry, had lunch, and went shopping - there's a Lush in Pasadena. Crap. The only thing that was preventing me from spending every cent I own in there was my not wanting to drive all the way to the Promenade. Well, I spent too much, but at least I smell good!

I forgot to call in (to get my call time for Monday.. there's a schedule posted in the lamp dock for the next work day. It goes up about 4 pm, and it's got everyone's name, what their call time is and which stage they'll be working on - it's the employee's responsibility to check this board every day. Universal has one as well, as does Warner Brothers. Sony does not, and on that lot it's the responsibility of the supervisor to give the call time for the next day) before 5pm (I was so giddy with a free afternoon and I lost track of time), so I had to actually go to Paramount to check the call board - I got back to the lot about 6:30 pm, and saw my name in the 'layoff' column - I did a little happy dance right there in the hallway. Don't get me wrong - I don't dislike working at Paramount, I just get bored if I'm in the same place for too long.

As I was leaving the lot, Mr. Movie Star almost ran me over. He threw a "hey babe" my way in a distracted manner and then tore the hell out of there.. One of the security guards speculated that Mr. Movie Star must be late for his manicure. Heh.

I had yet another Craig's List date last night.. I wasn't sure I wanted to go out with this guy- he's really hesitant sounding on the phone - that sort of broken, full of pauses way of talking "Well.... my day was.... okay.. I..... went over.. to the store.... " Every time I talk to him on the phone, I want to reach through the earpiece, choke the shit out of him and shout "Get to the point!" Maybe it's me - maybe I just need to lay off the coffee.

He turned out to be much better in person, and I actually had a fun time. He's a grad student in film, which is interesting because he's not seen very many movies (He's not seen Fight Club, which I thought was de rigeur for the post-post modern budding filmmaker).

Part two of The Blonde's shoot has been rescheduled yet again, due to yet more scheduling problems.. We're going to try to shoot Monday now. I only have a page or so left to shoot, and I think we can do it in less than four hours.. It's basically two people talking. She's stressed about it already.

The Face Plant, and other Indignities

I got worked today.. On top of it being very hot and humid all day, we actually did a lot of hard labor. I'm sore and shaky. I forsee a date with a hot bath and Epsom salts.

To get the equipment (lights, stands, cable, assorted junk) from the floor of the stage to the lamp dock (which is on the other side of the lot), it's loaded into 'tuggers' - these are metal cages four feet deep by six feet wide and about 5 feet tall that have an open side and a hitch that you can tow with a forklift - if you tow it with a forklift, you have to run alongside it like a secret service agent in a presidential motorcade to make sure that nothing falls out the open side, or you can be macho and use brute force tug it along (hence the name) - we had four, and one of them for some reason was very difficult to turn - whichever direction you wanted it to turn, the wheels would lock in the opposite direction, and the damn thing just wouldn't move...

We named it Christine.

We were struggling with Christine - we wanted her to go around a turn and of course she refused - making us unhook her from the forklift and fight with her - when Mr. Movie Star walked by. He winked at me and said "Hey, babe." I giggled, and then Christine turned unexpectedly, threw me off balance and I fell right on my ass. Christine then continued to turn and whacked me in the head with her hitch. To make it worse, these insane giggles were coming out of me as I sat on the blacktop with a bad case of the flop sweat and a big rust mark on my head where the hitch nailed me.

I guess Christine didn't approve of Mr. Movie Star.

The boys, of course, thought this was hilarious. The Artful Dodger almost fell off his bike because he was laughing so hard.. Mr. Movie Star gallantly helped me up, asked if I was okay, and then winked at me again before he walked off.

The boys took to imitating my insane girl giggle for the rest of the day. Anytime someone would say my name or speak to me, they'd start giggling. Eventually, it escalated into my being called "Giggles".

I suppose this is Karmic retribution for that whole Walrus thing.

The Boob and Mr. Movie Star

Spent yet another day up in the "perms", continuing to tear out the ugly cluster fuck that was the power run for "Girlfriends".. The job has changed, though.. they now need the stage for a pilot, so it's not a complete tear- out.. it's just cleaning up most of the stuff, stacking it neatly, and leaving it there for the next rigging crew.

The 'count to ten' syndrome in action, only this time it's definitely worked in my favor. Having to tear out all the heavy cable (All of the cable we run is heavy - "heavy cable" is the heaviest stuff that we have.) and drop the stuff to the floor - while it would have been another day of work - would have really been painful - literally painful.. On days when there's a lot of cable, I go home sore and feeling sick, no matter how much water I've had.. Add the antibiotics into the mix, and that's Not A Good Thing.

We're still chopping up the "horse cock" and pitching it into the dumpster. It's still fun! The Artful Dodger brought a CD player up into the perms today and put on a Madonna CD.. I don't mind listening to Madonna, but it's just funny to see a grizzled crew guy bopping around to "Ray of Light". You'd think he'd like country or 'rental house rock' (that's classic rock, but it's all they play in the rental houses - hence the term).

At lunch I went over to the stage where "Enterprise" is wrapping, to give the boys copies of the by now infamous bridge photos, and I ran into Mr. Movie Star - smoking and making phone calls outside his stage door.. He's still not that cute but very, very charming. I showed him the bridge photo and told the story about the UPM busting us.. he thought it was funny, and then said that he was really disappointed that I was all the way across the lot as he liked talking to me. I felt all fluttery inside - I never, ever feel fluttery inside when an actor (famous or not) talks to me. Damn.

The conversation ended with my telling him to come over to my stage anytime - all he would have to do is walk on the stage and scream my name - and him responding by telling me that it would be much easier if I just gave him my phone number.

I just gave my phone number to an actor. I still can't believe I did that.. He must have had me under some sort of weird movie star spell.

Good thing the boys didn't see it - I'd never, ever hear the end of it.

The boob hurt like hell this morning, bright red and very painful - of course, I whacked it with a connector first thing in the morning (as I was hoisting a piece of 'horse cock' up to throw it over the rail into the dumpster), and ended up screaming in pain - the source of which I CAN'T explain to the boys.

After lunch, though, the boob felt better.. I guess the antibiotics are taking hold - redness is down, and it's much less painful, although still swollen.

We had a 'permit' today.. He's not union, but is trying to get his days to get in. Nice, nice guy. He's hilarious, and we didn't rib him too bad. He's back with us tomorrow.

Ahhhh...

First day off of "Enterprise" I'm still on the Paramount lot, but am wrapping out the TV show "Girlfriends".. They're done for the season, and we're to clear out everything. I'm guessing they're going to move the show to a new stage.

I'm working with a good crew of folks - my boss on this job is a very quiet, cool guy who's the polar opposite of The Walrus.
The two other crew members are Jim, who I work with a lot on the Paramount lot, and a guy who I just call The Artful Dodger.. not because he's sneaky, but because he looks exactly the way that I imagine a grown up Artful Dodger to look.. he's a great guy- fun to work with. Jim's fun too - he's got a ton of stories, most of which we've all heard 100 times, although he keeps telling them.

There's a type of cable that's unaffectionately called "Horse Cock" by electricians - it's really thick, very, very heavy, and doesn't carry much power (the weight is all insulation) - we all hate it, and Paramount's lamp dock has decided to get rid of it.. This means that instead of wrapping it - which SUCKS - we get to cut it!

I'm so happy to be able to walk along with a pair of big cutters and chop that shit into six foot lengths - and then kick it off the walk into a dumpster.

There's something very satisfying about destroying something you dislike and getting paid for it.
Of course, there's a lot of other cable on top of it which can't be cut, so we spent the entire day up in the perms - all 8 hours of it. An 8 hour day in itself is wonderful!

When I got home, one of my boobs hurt really, really bad - burning, bright red, and sensitive to the touch.. Sure enough, one of my piercings looks infected - it must have gotten bumped and opened up - then I might have picked at it.. The piercings are over 10 years old, and they've always been touchy - they oooze whenever I get sick or they get bumped. They get bumped a lot, but they don't usually turn red and cause me agonizing pain..
So I went to the hospital (there's an urgent care center down the street from me - they don't have a contract with my insurance, but it's worth the 100 bucks or so I'll have to pay just to get in and out of there - Cedars' ER always has a three hour wait), and got to see a very nice doctor - I was expecting a lecture about the evils of body piercing, but she just agreed that it looked infected and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. I walked up the the Rite Aid and being told there was a two hour wait, went across the street to a sushi place and had dinner.. the waitress gave me cooking sake instead of regular sake.. she was very apologetic and it was funny!

Finally got the prescription filled - was given a dire warning by the pharmacist to not lie down for half an hour after I take the medicine.. I think that may be the most bizarre medicine caution I've received so far. What's it going to do to me, jump up my throat?

I spent the rest of the evening soaking my boob in salt water.

Space... I'm out of it as of tomorrow!

Today was my last day on "Enterprise". I managed to get off the first unit crew (I had enough of The Walrus), and they cut the rigging crew, so I'm jumping to another show tomorrow.

We had a fun, fun day.. Everyone is really relaxed, and we were joking and having fun all day.. Near the end of the day, we were all (rigging grip/electric, set construction and swing gang) taking joke pictures in the bridge set and we got busted by the UPM. Ooops.. He was pretty good natured about it, but still. He walked in on us, and watched us for a few moments, and then politely asked us to please get back to work.. One of the stand ins who's a horrible gossip saw too, and the ENTIRE crew knew in about 10 minutes.. Damn.

Bumped into a Major Movie Star today.. he was on the stage next to ours, and we were chit chatting.. I had no idea who he was until someone told me.. He's not that good looking in person, but he's got that charisma.. when he talks to you, articles of clothing just loosen themselves.. he smiled at me, and my shoe came untied.. Damn.
Short, but a very, very nice guy. He offered to get me a cup of coffee (his stage had MUCH better coffee than ours), and then called me "Babe" in front of the boys, and they gave me shit for the rest of the day.

I'm going to miss the boys. Oh, and "The Walrus" is going to stick.. the nickname has spread through the crew like wildfire.. now EVERYONE on the Paramount lot is calling him "The Walrus"..

Awesome.

Is it a 'date' or is it Memorex?

Had a date last night with a guy that I met on Craig's List.. Met at the Roost ( a 'dive' bar in Los Feliz).. I was dressed WAY too 'westside' for the area.

He actually turned out to be cute - too cute. I went home with him and fucked him. Bad me. In my experience, if you go home with them they'll never, ever call you again. I don't want a one-night-stand. I've been there before - I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. I feel kind of cheap and used which is an unfortunately familiar feeling.

Sometimes you just need to get laid, but still.

I need another booty call to stop me from doing things like this.

Ooopsie! He's not getting up!

There was a minor accident on the set of "Enterprise" last night.

After a 14 hour day, the last shot of the day (at 2 am) was a stunt.

These guys were pulled back on a thing called a 'ratchet' - it's a big frame with wires on a counterweight system running from the stuntmen towards the camera so they'll fly back towards the camera as if they'd been blown backwards by an explosion.

One of the stuntmen hit his head on the floor and got knocked out cold. They weren't using pads on the floor because the landing was on camera. As soon as they called 'cut'.. the other two stuntmen got up, but the one just laid there. The stunt co-ordinator tried to wake him, called his name over and over, but he didn't respond. Production called an ambulance, and the producer sent everyone home at 2:30 am.

When I was walking out, he was awake, and they were taking him to the hospital - in full alien makeup. I bet the ER folks had fun with that one!

Call time: 10 am
Wrap time: 2:30 am.

Craft Service Envy and Chair Thefts

We had an hour "Pre Call" today, which means that we came in an hour before everyone else did, so that we could do some prep work (moving our carts, pre lighting, etc..) before the rest of the crew came in.

The good thing about being there that early is that you get the good stuff off the craft service table before the rest of the crew has the chance to pick over it like vultures. No one eats before they come in, because there's stuff at the stage, so everyone is very, very hungry by the time the food hits the table - usually right at call, so you have to stash your plate somewhere while you work for an hour..

Our 'crafty' guy doesn't put much out, so folks actually run to the table when he's got something new. He had nectarines this morning, and we took about four of them and put them in one of our carts to ripen. Good call, too.. they were gone in ten minutes. In a few days, when they're ripe, I'll eat one in the middle of set and watch the stampede to the crafty table because folks will think he's put more out! Heh.

There is also an epidemic of chair stealing.. On a set, you stand for 12+ hours a day, and those places to sit (chairs, apple boxes, stools, boxes, furniture when the set dressers aren't looking) are prime real estate. The second you get up - the seat's gone. Usually. On "Enterprise", someone is just taking them (the set pieces, I understand.. they have to go back to the furniture rental place, and the apple boxes get cleaned up by the grips, but we had a few camp chairs marked for our department scattered about and now they're all gone).. When you're strung out and crazed from working these hours, this is a BIG DEAL. My boss threw a fit over it, and an APB was put out for the chairs.. we got a couple of them back, but I have no idea where the others are.. probably on another stage somewhere.


Connor - one of the actors - was doing a very heavy scene were he's badly injured and is put into a tube thingy.. there's all this drama, they shove him into the tube and as the scene draws to a close, we all hear this "OW!" - turns out the effects guys had pulled him into the chamber too quickly, and he whacked his head on the back wall..

My boss has become a snarling hypercritical maniac.. I was warned that this would happen.. Apparently he's only nice to new employees for a week and a half to two weeks, and then he becomes a raving jackass. If he keeps this up, I'm off the show. Life is too short to tolerate that shit. I've nicknamed him "The Walrus" as he's sort of bristling and bellowing all the time.. Now all the boys are doing impressions of him bellowing. It's hilarious.. I think that's another nickname that's going to stick.

Jolene's (another of the actors) dog - a very, very cute King Charles Spaniel whom I just love - kept barking during takes - this set off the dog who plays "Porthos", and then she started barking. Havoc. The DP started screaming, the AD's started screaming, and then the dogs barked more.. The more the dogs barked, the more the DP yelled, and the more the crew laughed at the silliness of it all.

Call time: 6 am.
Wrap time: 10 pm.