I used to have a life.... I think

Still on "Enterprise". There's been "trekkies" protesting at the gates of the studio because the show's been cancelled (one of whom, to my great amusement, wears a "Stormtrooper" outfit - from "Star Wars"). The only problem is that there have only been about four of them. They're having a rally next week, and if it's held near lunchtime, most of the crew will probably go.

Part of the reason that I want to get my swipe card working again is that I really, really need to see this! Oh, I know, I could just go and hang out on Melrose, but it's not the same at all.

85% of the crew have the flu, and are coughing. I'm freaked out - I can't afford to get sick, so I'm washing my hands 25 times a day in the hopes that it'll help. They have a bottle of hand sanitizer on the monitor cart, but I'm not sure I trust it - how many folks are touching that pump every day?

Producer shut us down tonight. He sat there, through the last scene, looking at his watch every 10 seconds.. It's called 'pulling the plug'.

It's fun, but damn are they reaming us.

Monday - 6am - 10pm
Tuesday 9am - 11pm
Wednesday - 9 am - 11 pm

It's only Wednesday. I feel like I've worked a whole week already.

Oh, wait. I have (hours wise at least).

Welcome to the film industry.

Beam Me Up, Scotty.. It's hour 14 and we're still shooting.

This is my fourth day on "Enterprise".

Day one, Thursday - I came in just for a night shot and had fun. Worked 8 hours, got home at a decent hour.

Day two, Friday - 12 hours.

Day three, Monday - I lost count.

Call time: 6am.

Wrap time: 10:30 pm (approximately - my cell phone died and I don't wear a watch anymore). We're shooting in the lobby of the Paramount Theater, which has magically been transformed to the conference room of Star Fleet.

We're still there today (Tuesday), and it's a new show with a new director. Same set, same props, same lighting, same actors, but the guy calling the shots has changed. TV is kind of freaky that way. I work more movies, and it's just wierd as hell to me to have the director and AD's change all the time.

Anyhow, there's a TON of really cool alien makeup, and it's fun to watch the 'aliens' walking around the lot, smoking cigarettes, drinking coke, and eating potato chips.

I've never watched the show, so I have no idea what's going on.

The director for the last few days was LeVar Burton (who was on one of the old Star Treks), and he's amazing.. He knows what he wants and shoots it fast.
This guy (I have no idea what his name is), is really disorganized, wastes a lot of time and does a TON of takes. Ouch.
I was supposed to have a Valentines Day date tonight, but had to bail at the last minute. I thought we'd be out by 8 pm. Silly me.

I keep having trouble getting onto the lot. Production keeps forgetting to call in a pass for me, so I have to stand there for 20 minutes while the guard tries to call folks (this SUCKS at 5:45 am - no one's in yet). I have an old I.D. from when I used to work on Entertainment Tonight (or some unholy spinoff thereof), but it doesn't work anymore. I've been to the office twice to try to get the swipe card to work - it would, after all, be in Production's best interest to not have to deal with this every morning - but they don't seem to care.

If they're as tired as I am, I can understand why.

Oh, goody! I've got a B List 'celeb' programmed into my cell phone

It's been a busy few weeks.

What started out as a documentary style low prep shoot has mushroomed into a scripted, two day extravaganza, courtesy of the Screen Actor's Guild.. How did this happen?

The Blonde suggested that we shoot her doing makeup for a Certain Men's Magazine shoot.. I agreed, and then, before I could pull my head out of my ass to check what I was doing, I suggested that - just for a lark, we improv some dialog in the dressing room while she was doing the model's makeup.

Someone needs to stop me when I start to say these things.

We have an actress to whom I'll refer as "The Drama Queen" on board now, thanks to a drunken offer on my part (hey, a couple of the 'vodka infusions' at Chaya and I don't know what the hell I'm saying), so now our little camcorder cluster fuck has become a full blown SAG signatory cluster fuck.

Okay, we're under the "Chumps and Film Students" contract, but we're still a SAG signatory. We had to write a script so SAG could 'review' it, and turn in a whole package including a line item budget.

How do you do a line item budget when you have no money?

The Blonde's bummed because under the "Chumps and Film Students" contract, non-SAG performers are NOT eligible for membership.

All this so The Drama Queen (a SAG member) can have 5 minutes of screen time. To date, she has blown off three or four table reads because she 'just doesn't have the creative energy today', called me at odd hours to complain that her boyfriend abuses her, her agent won't return her calls, and she can't get a good table at the Ivy.
She's programmed into my cell phone.

Since we have dialogue, we have to have two cameras (we were thinking about two cameras anyway, so that's not that much of a leap). So, we put an ad on Craig's List for a camera operator (must have own camera, no pay), and have gotten some *choice* replies.
Here are a few of the really, really fucked up ones:

------------------------------------
Hello,

What are the logistics of your shoot and what kind of jobs would you be
hiring for in the future? Thanks, xxxxxx

xxxxx xxxxx,
Filmmaker

(Just for all of you baby DP's out here.. I won't hire you if you call yourself a filmmaker, a director, or any combination of the two. I don't want a director. I have a director. I want a fucking camera person who will do what he or she is told and not be a pain in the ass.)

------------------------------

How much time do you need someone to film for?

(This is not an unreasonable question, except that this is the entire text of the email. No name, nothing. Just this.)

------------------------------

And the winner for most unintentionally hillarious email is........... this guy:

I have shot models for Live feed or post production including editing for Revlon, Sebatian (sic), Maxim Mag and few others. I can't work for free, my abilities and talent won't allow it.
For $350.00 cash/money order I will shoot event on 3 chip camera and turn over video tape.

I will be available for 4 Hours on event day.

Thanks
-------------------------------------

Since the ad was very specific about there not being any pay, this is even funnier.. I think there was one other email that quoted an insanely high day rate for a job that doesn't pay. The funny thing is there were a few people who responded who had really, really impressive resumes. Those folks were all really easygoing.. it's the guys who can't produce a resume who are prima donnas.

Back to the SAG paperwork pile.........

Rain, rain go away.

Goddammit, someone out there must be able to make it stop raining!

My yard is flooded (although my neighbor's house collapsed so I'm not doing too bad!) and I've got cabin fever..

I'm not working, which is fine, because I haven't paid my union dues (I forgot, okay) - I'm going to have to use my Vegas money to pay.

Monday..Everything will happen on Monday.

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Ah, the holidays..

I refuse to fly anymore because the TSA insist on hiring the biggest idiots they can find, so I stayed in town for the holidays.. I spent Christmas with a friend's family - so I had the fattening food and too much alcohol without having to deal with the baggage and family fights (well, there were fights, but since it wasn't my family, I could just keep eating)..


New Years Eve The Blonde and I went to a party in Holmby Hills filled with under 30 M.A.W.'s and the freeloading boys who love them.. there was a scavenger hunt, and one of the models had to have her 'team' read the clues to her.. She kept waving the paper at anyone she could corner while asking "What does it say? What does it say?"
She told us she couldn't read it because she was Swedish.

Speaking of fattening food and too much booze... The Blonde, two gay guys and I went to Jimmy Kimmel Live last night..

J.K.'s green room used to rock.. it was packed with people, and everyone was having a great time and trying to make deals (or at least get laid).. For 2005, they've instituted a draconian door policy, so the place was dead last night. There couldn't have been more than 10 or 20 people there.

We hung out, watched the show (B list actor, B list actor, some band I've never heard of) and were out of there early - the geezers at Dan Tana's are much more amusing.

Mike De Luca doesn't think blow job jokes are funny, and other truisms

After two days on the screamfest, and three on a commercial ( I don't want to type about it.. my ex, Satan, was one of the honchos - he kept trying to get me fired, but my boss held his ground), I've been back on "Zathura" for the past two days.

Wow.. what a comparatively nice show.. the chaos is still there, and the brass are getting tense because it's down to the wire and they're worried about finishing on time without blowing the budget, but there's a conspicuous absence of screaming and yelling, which is refreshing.

I was 'off production', which means I was on one of the crews that were going behind first unit and cleaning up the sets that are wrapped.. When we went out to lunch, the waitress asked me how we all got so dirty and bedraggled looking - I told her we had been trapped in an alien spaceship all morning, and man were those guys pigs..

I forget that not everyone thinks I'm funny.

While we were at crafty (located directly under a set which may or may not tip over - construction aren't sure) getting coffee, one of the guys was asking who Mike De Luca was (he's one of the producers of this movie), we all started giving him the back story, including the whole blow job tale.. as we launched into the wisecracks, one of the production people came up and said "Mr. De Luca doesn't appreciate that ", and told us that we should change the subject immediately or dire things would happen to us.
Wow. A threat. I spent the rest of the morning humming the theme to "The Godfather".

Okay....

#1. "Mr. De Luca"? When the fuck did that happen? I remember when that guy was.... oh, never mind.. the minions are watching everything, you know!

#2. Never, ever, ever, say anything interesting when anyone from Production can hear you. Bad me.

One of the set electricians blew something up (I didn't see it, but there was a loud bang, shouts followed by a big cloud of smoke), and someone dubbed the poor guy "Kablooey". It caught on, and I think it's probably going to follow him for a show or two.

Rest of the day went smoothly, except that I fucked up and stood on the wrong part of a greenbed, and the Sony safety lady saw it and came down on me like a ton of bricks.

Screamfest part deux

Day two on "The Island"

Today we shot at Downey Studios.. they filmed Van Helsing there, parts of T3, and god knows what else.. It used to be an aviation facility, and they built one of the space shuttles there, or parts of it.

There's a story circulating among the crews:

When the pit was dug out of one of the stages (which is an old airplane hangar), the mound of dirt that was removed from under the floor glowed green and cost the management two million dollars to have removed, cleaned, and then dumped.

How true this is, I don't know.

Michael Bay is still a bad, bad man - but he screamed a lot less today. I think it was because the Dreamworks brass were on set all day and perhaps he felt the need to tone it down.. he only called us all 'assholes' twice.

Call - 9 am
Wrap - midnight
Minor injury - I cut my hand open. It hurts like hell, but it's not bad.


Maybe I'll go back and edit this when I'm less tired.

Michael Bay Screamfest

Today, I worked on a movie called "The Island".

We shot at an active DWP generating plant in Long Beach - that's an electrical generating plant.. huge turbines spewing steam, puddles of toxic waste (no, I'm not kidding), caustic chemicals, live power everywhere, etc..

When the plant went on line about 9 am, the temperature inside shot up to about 100 degrees, and the noise level went well over 100 decibels.. We had been given hard hats and ear protection, but with the ambient noise, it was impossible to hear anything anyone said to me.. either over the walkie talkie or standing next to me. Condensation formed on the metal grating that was the flooring for the upper levels, making it hot, steamy, noisy and slippery.. I found myself wishing I had a bigger CF card in my camera, though, because it was really cool looking inside.

I'll post pictures later.

The bottom floor of the plant was covered with liquid which looked like water but was, in fact, a slurry of caustic chemicals which we were warned not to walk in unless we had to - of course, that's exactly where the director staged a shot..

One of the guys slipped on the metal grating and cut his shin really badly.

The director of this particular movie is Michael Bay. Michael Bay is a screamer. He screams ALL day long, even when he doesn't have to. For example:

Normal Person: "What's the holdup? This set up seems to be taking a very long time."
Michael Bay: "Goddammit, SHOOOT! SHOOT IT NOW! WHY ARE WE FUCKING WAITING!?!?!"

Normal Person: (to D.P.) "I'm a bit antsy to wrap, and I'd like to just roll without that additional light you wanted."
Michael Bay: "NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! Take that fucking light out of the set! WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? I TOLD YOU MOTHERFUCKERS NO THREE TIMES!!!!"

You get the picture.. That guy's at Defcon 5 all the time. Near the end of the day, he got tired of trying to scream over the 100 decibel drone of the turbines, so he went and got a megaphone, and screamed at people using that. That's better, though.. I'm told that he used to grab a walkie talkie, and randomly scream into it.. until the production staff got wise and hid all the extra walkies from him.

I called a friend of mine to dish, and he told me that crew members have been quitting because he's being such an asshole.

Call time: 7 am.
Wrap time: 10 pm.

I have to be back at 9 am tomorrow, and I have two loads of laundry to get through before I can go to bed.

Black holes and aliens in West LA

Came in as a hired gun on "Zathura" today..

I had to sign an NDA (non-disclosure agreement), but what I can tell you is that shoot's a godawful cluster fuck.. three stages, four crews (all shooting at the same time), and principal photography has to be finished in two weeks. It's hillarious, actually. First and second unit are on the same stage, and they have to take turns rolling sound. It's impossible to sneak in any work or a conversation, but it's worth it to watch the A.D.'s go batty trying to co-ordinate.

The film industry in LA is really busy, which is unusual for December.. it's normally dead around the holidays, but it's beyond crazy now - whomever scheduled all this, I'd just like to say.....

Thanks. I need the dough.

Also ran into a guy that I used to, well.. not date.. we had a thing for each other, hung out some, slept together a few times, but he was so hostile and angry that I couldn't deal and bailed (he was doing way, way too much blow).

I tried, I really did, but I just couldn't deal with the crap he was flipping at me (this was several years ago), so I did what was best for me, walked, and that was that..

Anyways, he looks good, he's off blow and booze, and has a serious girlfriend. There's a part of me that's really happy for him, and a part of me that just wants to cry. I still have feelings for him.


After we wrapped, I went over to a porno shoot house in Bel Air (yes!) and shot some video of The Blonde doing makeup on a not porn shoot.

I got two hours of sleep last night, and I have to be on location in Long Beach tomorrow at 7 am, so I'm off to bed.

Drag Queen Chaos!

This is my first post - a bit about me before I start..

I'm an 'independent film maker' (there's not really any such thing any more, but it's a handy dandy label) here in Los Angeles, and I'm presently shooting a project with a friend of mine. I guess it's 'guerilla filmmaking', as we don't have permits, and most of the time it's just the two of us with a borrowed camera.

I pay my bills by working as a crew member on a lot of non independent (i.e. actual, with a budget) productions.

The Blonde, my friend with whom I'm shooting this thing, is a makeup artist and does a lot of theatrical and TV work.. last night, she was doing makeup at a drag revue, which her cosmetics company sponsored.

The Blonde happens to think that drag queens are endlessly fascinating subjects and that she can build a show around them.. I think they're kinda over, but I suppose what I think doesn't matter - it's what some 20 something development guy who didn't get "drag queened out" in the 80's thinks - so we spent last night backstage shooting her doing makeup touchups on a bunch of drag performers..

I was hoping for someone to be really bitchy, but most of them were just bored. Bored and nice. One of them slammed a dressing room door in my face, but immediately and profusely apologized.

Damn.

I got some good shots of Kathy Griffin's entourage, backstage chaos (we got thrown out of the 'good' dressing room because KG's people wanted it for her, there was a sound problem and the performers [some of whom weren't ready] had to go on in different order, no one seemed to be able to find anyone else), the show, and the audience before my batteries died.

The 'free' bar ran out of alcohol (but everyone was really polite about it. I was hoping for at least one screaming fit), the gift bags were totally weak, and The Blonde's boss got really drunk and started telling everyone about the time she had sex with a guy backstage at a fashion show while she was supposed to be working.

We got invited to shoot another drag queen's drag show next week.