Thursday, August 03, 2006

Semi all-purpose chain letter

So I'm lazy and don't want to write a new response for each angry email I get (you are of course always welcome to write and tell me how great I am - those emails, I love), so I came up with this handy dandy form letter which covers the most common categories of irate messages.

So, if the email you wanted to send falls into one of these categories, don't bother. Just print this out, circle the appropriate responses, and that'll be that. Really, I do this because I care.

Really I do. I swear.


Dear (INSERT YOUR NAME HERE),

I'm really very sorry that you:

a) think my blog sucks now and I've just been phoning it in lately.

b) hate all unions and feel compelled to tell me why.

c) are this month's victim of the "who's Mr. Movie Star" rumor mill.


I think the best way to deal with this is for you and I to ignore this and get on with our respective lives because:

a) I blame it on bad Feng Shui, and I'm too broke to buy all new furniture and a bunch of those eensy mirrors.

b) Really, you just don't understand what it's like to have your will to live nearly extinguished by a producer - one or two low-budget movies and you'll be screaming for that union card, buddy. Trust me on this one.

c) I think the only way to stop people from gossiping is to kill them - which I'm pretty sure is illegal, but feel free to test that out and get back to me.


The only thing I can possibly think to suggest is to:

a) Have you pay for a decorator - please send me your credit card number ASAP, so I can fix this problem and get back to being interesting.

b) Give your phone number to all those micro-budget producers and tell them you'd just love to work for them - be sure to keep me informed 'cause I want to be there the minute your soul rips in half, even if it happens at 4 am when you're knee-deep in shit on a feedlot in Acton. Especially if it happens at 4 am when you're knee-deep in shit on a feedlot in Acton.

c) You could call the stalker photographers and do something overtly sexual with a member of the same gender while they take your picture. Of course, then you'd have a whole new set of problems, but at least the hint of crew-cooties wouldn't be one of them.


But really, I don't think that's going to solve anything.

Do you?


a)Sincerely,

b) Up yours,

c) Do you have any cute friends? I'm single,


Peggy


Couch of the Day:

Couches

18 comments:

lizriz said...

Awesome.

Spike said...

Excellent. Revenge of the Emailed.

Anonymous said...

I blame it on bad Feng Shui, and I'm too broke to buy all new furniture

On the other hand, if you're willing to settle for slightly used furniture, you know where to find it. Couches, at least.
Speaking of which, in today's couch picture is that a wide-screen TV to the right of the tree trunk?

Peter
Iron Rails & Iron Weights

Dan said...

Wow, do people really bash you because of your union membership? I was once fired from editing a non-union feature because I'd been working 16 hour days 6 days a week for 2 months. I went home one friday after only 12 hours because of heart palpatations. The producer stops me at the door: "There are 24 hours in a day and you agreed to work for this day rate! You're Fired!" I shit you not. The best job I ever had was on TV: 5 day weeks, 8 hours a day. Thank you Local 776!

fholtby@gmail.com said...

Peggy,

I wish you would post three times a day, but I'll gladly take what I can get.
I really enjoy watching competent people at work. That's why I love your blog. That's also why your blog is the only one I read.

Best,
Fred

Meg said...

Dear Peggy-
I will only write nice things to/about you. You get enough BS in the Real World to get crap comments from total strangers. Jeez Louise, people are really trying to figure out who Mr. Movie Star is/was?
ps-I think I used to live in the house on the right of today's couch picture.

Anonymous said...

Oh Peggy,...Why so bitter ?

Caryn said...

Go, you! Woot!

Warrior Knitter said...

I've been enjoying your "Couch of the Day" pictures. In the college town where I live, the leases run from Aug thru July to accomodate the school year. Well, almost every street I've driven down this past week or so has had a couch on it or some other major piece of furniture, like an entire assembled bed, including head & foot board on 1 street & I wish I owned a digital camera. I could have sent you some goodies. Just wanted you to know every time I go out lately I have several couches of the day!

Anonymous said...

YOU COMPLAINT TOO MUCH. GET OVER IT AND GET A LIFE !!!

Peggy Archer said...

Hahaha.. okay, that last one is pretty funny.

I like the all caps, too. Nice touch.

Oh, and please do feel free to send me couch photos - I will run out at some time, I guarantee it.

Lostonlocation said...

a couch for you
http://static.flickr.com/77/174606849_55b8d4a54f_m.jpg

Newsguy said...

I was never smart enough to know that I was supposed to save for a rainy day or my retirment. I just worked in TV week after week, and paid my union dues for years and years.

Thank you American Federation of Radio and Television Artists, of which I have been a member for longer than I wish to reveal just now. ...because I worked in the TV biz long enough to qualify for a nice AFTRA pension and health insurance for my family, I will be forever grateful that I worked union all those years. Anybody who disses unions is a moron who must be drinking the corporate anti union Kool-Aid, and voting against their own best interests.

It's just a shame more Americans are not members of strong unions and that the laws make it so hard for people to organize.

Pamela said...

Ahhh, I have about six couch photos on my phone. I keep meaning to download them and send them to you. 'International couches R US!'

Carly said...

I vote for people paying you if they want more frequent content. Set up a Pay Pal thing. That'll give you fung shui money, no?

Spike said...

Meg said people are really trying to figure out who Mr. Movie Star is/was?

Course. People are sticky beaks.

Wen said...

Knee deep in shit on a feedlot in Acton? I think I was on that movie.

I joined the union for better pay and health insurance. Think we don't need to be union? Go work on a non union micro-budget movie. And then call me back when you realize that $100 a day (which is a typical day rate for mico-budget movie) divided by the 17 hours you just worked equals $5.88 an hour. Less than minimum wage. With no health insurance.

I also joined because unlike non-union production, union film people are required to be safety certified in their specialty.

That may not mean much to the muggles watching the movie, but when production is rolling Abrams tanks down Wilshire Bvd AND shooting 50mm fire out of those same tanks I want to know that the guy driving that tank and shooting those 50mm bullets knows what he's doing.

FrancesDanger said...

What is up with people writing hate mail and leaving nasty comments on all the blogs I read? I think its the heat, because the same dumbasses have infected Dave2...too.

As for the letter I am so going to copy it and send it to corporate (with a few changes) if I get terminated.