The Blonde is starting to scare me.
She called me this morning, as I was watching the rain-soaked Rose Parade on TV and thinking this was the year to have gone (the grandstands were half empty, and I've got some bitchin' raingear because of work), and suggested that we go have brunch and finally exchange gifts, since I was working right up until I left town.
We met at The Farm (the one in The Grove - which is expensive and so not worth the money, but she loves it) about 11 am.
The light at 11 am is unforgiving to anyone of any age, but it's especially unforgiving to thirty-something women who have gone way overboard with the botox.
She started out getting botox on her eye wrinkles "just once". She kept getting it over and over again, and now she's starting to get that "Beverly Hills surgery lady" look. I really don't get it. Before she went on the fix-it frenzy, she didn't look bad at all - she looked like a really pretty thirty-something woman.
When I asked what the hell she was thinking, she told me that I just don't understand what it's like to have to look good as I age (this is true - no one really gives a rat's ass what juicers look like - even when we're not on set, and for that I'm grateful). Apparently I'm not under the same enormous pressure to be flawless as she is.
Pretty far-fetched for a makeup artist (albeit one with her own upcoming TV show), but I think she's just afraid of getting older in Los Angeles - land of perpetual surgery-assisted youth and the fat, bald, middle aged men who won't accept women who look older than 19.
As we were walking out she turned to me and said "Guess what I'm going to get done! I'm going to get all those scars and wrinkles lazered off my hands. I think they're really holding me back."
I just shook my head, and wandered off into the rainy afternoon.
I went to the gym and worked out, and after that I sat in the steam room and drank a ton of water, which I guess is my version of botox - except that it makes me feel better even if it doesn't make me look any younger.
I don't think botox does that, does it?